Category: Something personal

  • 013. Another proof of life post.

    013. Another proof of life post.

     

    Here I am, bag and baggage, and to be honest, I’m not going to give any reasons for the prolonged, unannounced hiatus.

    Life has a funny way of sneaking up on us, and it has done so with me many times. I’m still processing it. There are days that I just want to cry, there are days that I am filled with rage; like the carpet or rug has been pulled from under me, and I am not happy about it.

    Two months ago, my mother joined our Creator. While I knew it was going to happen at some point, I wasn’t ready for it. None of us were. I was hoping she would rally through, but here we are.

    But I do have to remind myself that she is now healed, happy and whole, and reunited with my father, whom she loved very much. My world would be a different place without her in it now, but she is in a better place now. Where there is no pain or suffering.

    I’m taking things a day at a time. And I do admit that this time, it is a little harder to navigate, because when my father died, my mother was with me, every step of the way.

    It is a reality I now need to face everyday.

  • 012. Sorry, I just couldn’t shake this off.

    012. Sorry, I just couldn’t shake this off.

    Trigger warning: suicide.

    A few weeks ago, my work friends and I encountered huge traffic on our way home, which was an understatement. We checked in on Waze, to see what was going on. And we found out that someone committed suicide somewhere near where we live.

    It made me think about a lot of things. First off, about the person who committed suicide. Of course, I don’t know him or her, but I can only imagine how he must have felt like. That he or she is already in a dark place, and of course, the pandemic didn’t make things better. But I uttered a short, silent prayer that God will take care of that person, and make sure that he or she will be okay. (more…)

  • 010. January I love you, but you’re freaking me out.

    010. January I love you, but you’re freaking me out.

    Ah, the new year! Brand new beginnings, fresh starts, and all that, but I’m beginning to think that January feels like an eternity, yet I keep myself in check, lest the whole year will spin as fast as a Beyblade that’s out of control. Does that make sense? God, I hope so.

    2023 was a rollercoaster. It’s a rollercoaster that I do not want to get back on to again. Let me be a bit honest here–the year has been a bloody stressful year. Sure, it has helped me grow and branch out, but it wore me out. It did. It’s not a year that I would wish for my worst enemy to stay in.

    January feels very much like an extension of 2023. One of my aunts passed away almost a week ago, and while I have more or less accepted her transition from earth to heaven, it doesn’t stop me from feeling the loss very keenly. She has been a huge part of my life–she taught me so much about art, literature, and music. It just doesn’t feel the same without her.

    But move on, we must. And speaking of moving on, the time has come for me to accept that my time in the university that I have come to love so much is ending. It’s hard for me to believe that four and a half years ago, I was a scared grad student freshman not knowing if I’d fail like I did in law school. But I stuck it out, and here I am, praying for extra focus as I (finally) prepare for my comprehensive exam.

    I don’t deny that I am scared. But I’m also excited. I don’t know what the rest of the year will bring not only to my academic journey but in other areas of my life. Where will I go next? What will I do? The possibilities are endless. All I know is that I want to give back to the school that has given me back my self-confidence and my faith in my abilities.

    Lord, into Your hands, I commend my year.