I’m trying at the moment.
And so far, my sleep is gradually improving.
After more than two years of dealing with stressful situations–work, grad school, preparing to graduate from grad school, dealing with disappearing colleagues, taking care of a sick parent, grieving the death of said sick parent, having to hack it alone for almost four months of the new year.
God, can I just get a break?
Here I am, bag and baggage, and to be honest, I’m not going to give any reasons for the prolonged, unannounced hiatus.
Life has a funny way of sneaking up on us, and it has done so with me many times. I’m still processing it. There are days that I just want to cry, there are days that I am filled with rage; like the carpet or rug has been pulled from under me, and I am not happy about it.
Two months ago, my mother joined our Creator. While I knew it was going to happen at some point, I wasn’t ready for it. None of us were. I was hoping she would rally through, but here we are.
But I do have to remind myself that she is now healed, happy and whole, and reunited with my father, whom she loved very much. My world would be a different place without her in it now, but she is in a better place now. Where there is no pain or suffering.
I’m taking things a day at a time. And I do admit that this time, it is a little harder to navigate, because when my father died, my mother was with me, every step of the way.
It is a reality I now need to face everyday.
Trigger warning: suicide.
A few weeks ago, my work friends and I encountered huge traffic on our way home, which was an understatement. We checked in on Waze, to see what was going on. And we found out that someone committed suicide somewhere near where we live.
It made me think about a lot of things. First off, about the person who committed suicide. Of course, I don’t know him or her, but I can only imagine how he must have felt like. That he or she is already in a dark place, and of course, the pandemic didn’t make things better. But I uttered a short, silent prayer that God will take care of that person, and make sure that he or she will be okay. (more…)