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Eurgh. Probably the best way to describe how I feel today is that I’m tired. Bone tired.
Today’s been a long day at work. But I’m pretty satisfied about how it turned out. I did three out of five tasks in my to-do list, I managed to study/prepare for my report that’s due after midterms, and I was able to get what I needed. #hellopaydaythankyou
I’m actually trying to keep this post a little more serious–at this moment, I’m taking stock of where I am emotionally and mentally.
Last year, I was a wreck. This year, medications notwithstanding, I could say that I’m in a better place. Oh yes, there are still days of agitation, stress, and dealing with toxic people, but I was able to cope. Without going into pieces, that is. I now have someone helping me with the minutiae of work, and I get along well with that colleague. Hopefully next year, I will have the confidence to apply for a promotion–and I will close my ears so as not to hear comments from naysayers. But not without training that colleague. I do hope he will be able to cope.
I am by no means perfect, but I would like to think that I am learning, changing, growing. Into a better person hopefully. So I just find it sad that when people put someone down, they’ll assume the person will stay down there and never move up. And if the person does move on up, there will be more people who will make sure she or he will stay down.
I wouldn’t be able to cope without the best support group I have outside my family. While I love my work friends, they only know half of my struggles (and they pretty much notice all the things I did wrong more). The other half, my true tribe of five knows these struggles very well. And if it weren’t for them, I don’t know where I would be.
On a random note, do you know that slamming doors can be the most satisfying thing? It happened earlier this evening, when I was trying to get a ride home. I thought I lucked out with a taxicab, only to get frustrated as he complained about how my destination was, in his words, too far.
So I got out of the taxi, and slammed the door. Yes, I know it’s the rudest thing I’ve ever done in my whole life, but at the moment, it was the best way I could express my anger and frustration. Why do taxi drivers even bother to go out and drive if they’d say no because the passenger’s destination was too far. Or that the traffic is giving them a right bollocking. Well, they’re not the only ones being inconvenienced. Yes, it’s a selfish thought coming from me, but it’s not like the taxis aren’t calibrated for the reason that the drivers will get more. And ironically, the taxi drivers were angry when Uber and Grab were booming. No wonder, as the taxi drivers say no as soon as they hear the passenger tell them where they want to go. And at that time, Grab and Uber were safer, and more reliable.
I was about to offer to add the payment to the fare, but as soon as he opened his mouth to complain, the angry, tired me hauled my ass out of the taxi.
And slammed the door really hard. I couldn’t voice my sentiments as it might get me into trouble. So it was the only thing I could do.
I saw him wince and drove away.
I felt bad, but well, he made a real dog’s dinner out of the whole thing. And man, it felt satisfying to slam that door.
There are heaps of things that I am looking forward to the last quarter of the year.
First things first–the Downton Abbey movie. I hope that my mum and I get the time to watch the movie. We are both huge fans of the show, and watching it would be a real treat.
Then there’s my birthday. I plan to do a lot of studying this weekend for my midterm exams to go to this event called PaperconPH. As someone who is obsessed with stationery, this is one event I CANNOT miss. To make up for the time I will miss during that day, I will be studying this weekend–and will probably putting in the extra time revising. Wish me luck, haha.
And there’s November. I have three good friends from law school who will be taking the Bar exam. I have committed to baking something for one of them and will bring it to the hotel she is staying in. Then on the Bar Sunday, I will be visiting my sorority’s Bar site and see my sisters.
Another thing to look forward to will be getting to see one of my favourite Netflix television series–The Crown. I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS FOR TWO YEARS. And hearing about the cast now tests my willpower as I told myself that I won’t re-download Netflix on my iPad until my finals are done and over with.
I wanted to write more, but I had a feeling that I could go on all night if it were up to me–however, for a girl recovering from flu and revising for midterms, she needs to catch her sleep!